What is "Tủi Thân"? Decoding the Emotion and How to Overcome It

The feeling of self-pity exists in every person, sometimes fleeting, other times lingering. This is a complex psychological state, a mix of sadness, disappointment, low self-esteem, and a feeling of being abandoned or undervalued. UnderstandingWhat is "tủi thân"? will help us identify, accept, and effectively deal with this emotion, moving towards a more balanced and stronger life.

What is self-pity?

What is "tủi thân"?It is a negative emotion that arises when a person feels inferior, unworthy, or unfairly treated compared to others, especially in situations where they expect recognition, love, or support. The feeling of pity often comes with social comparison, lack of material or mental fulfillment, or hurt from the words and actions of those around them.

These emotions can arise from various reasons:

• Comparison with others:When we see friends, colleagues, or relatives achieve success, live more affluent lives, or receive preferential treatment, we can easily develop feelings of self-pity. For example, a worker at a Vietnamese company might feel self-pity when their salary is only around 8-10 million VND/month, while friends of the same age working in other fields have incomes twice or triple that amount.
• Lack of material possessions:Difficult family circumstances, lacking the same opportunities as peers, is a common cause. A poor student in a rural area, witnessing friends with nice clothes, smartphones, or traveling, can feel deeply self-pitying.
• Spiritual deprivation:The feeling of not being loved, cared for, or being abandoned by family and friends also leads to a sense of self-pity. A child who does not receive parental attention, or an adult who feels lonely amidst relationships, can fall into this state.
• Personal failures or mistakes:Stumbles in work, studies, or relationships can make us blame ourselves, feel inferior and self-pitying. For example, a student who fails to get into university might feel self-pitying when their friends all get into prestigious schools like Polytechnic University or National Economics University.
• Treated unfairly:When discriminated against, looked down upon, or not recognized for their abilities, even after trying their best, feeling resentful is inevitable.

Manifestations of feeling victimized/pitiful/sad

Feelings of self-pity can manifest in many forms, from small behavioral changes to profound psychological impacts:

Psychological manifestation

• Sad, sullen:This is the clearest manifestation; a person who feels sorry for themselves often feels sad and lacks interest in activities they once enjoyed.
• Low self-esteem, inferiority complex:They underestimate themselves, thinking they are not good enough, not worthy of good things.
• Often think negatively:The mind is constantly occupied by pessimistic thoughts about oneself, about the future, and about the world around.
• Vulnerable, sensitive:Small words and actions from others can make them feel offended, hurt.
• Feeling lonely, abandoned:Even amidst the crowd, they still felt lost, not belonging.
• Envy, jealousy:When they see others succeed, they may develop feelings of envy and discomfort, believing they don't have those things.

Behavioral manifestations

• Social avoidance:People who feel sorry for themselves tend to communicate less, participate less in group activities, and sometimes isolate themselves. For example, a young person who feels they are not as well-off as their friends might refuse to join gatherings for meals at luxurious restaurants in Ho Chi Minh City or Hanoi.
• Rarely shares, confides:They keep their emotions hidden, not wanting others to know about their difficulties and sorrows.
• Find a way to fill:Some people might turn to activities like overeating, binge-watching movies, or even using stimulants to temporarily forget feelings of self-pity.
• Easily angered or silent:Their reaction could be an outburst of anger, or conversely, complete silence, withdrawing into themselves.

Impact of self-pity on life

The feeling of self-pity, if not recognized and addressed, can lead to many negative impacts on a person's life:

• Mental health:Prolonged feelings of self-pity can lead to more serious psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem disorders. According to a survey by the Vietnam National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 15-20% of adults in Vietnam experience mental health issues, with feelings of low self-esteem and self-pity being a contributing factor.
• Social relationships:Self-isolation and limited communication make relationships lose their strength, or even break apart. Friends and family may find it difficult to approach and understand.
• Career and education:Feeling inadequate can reduce motivation to study and work, leading to low performance and missed development opportunities. Someone who feels inferior may not dare to apply for higher positions, even if they are competent enough.
• Quality of life:Life becomes dull, lacking joy and energy. They find it difficult to feel happiness and contentment.

How to overcome feelings of self-pity

Overcoming feelings of self-pity requires perseverance and an internal transformation process. Here are some effective approaches:

1. Identify and accept emotions

The first and most important thing is to recognize that you are feeling hurt. Don't try to suppress or deny it. Accept that feeling as a natural part of being human, that everyone has moments of weakness. Ask yourself: "How am I feelingWhat is self-pity? Where does it come from?". This helps you gain a more objective view of the problem.

2. Change perspective and mindset

• Stop comparing:Everyone has their own journey. Comparing yourself to others only brings suffering. Instead of looking at what others have, focus on what you have and what you want to achieve. For example, instead of comparing your 10 million VND salary to your friend's 30 million VND, look at the value of the work you create, your current stability, and your self-development goals for the next 1-2 years.
• Focus on strengths:Everyone has their own strengths. Take time to list your small successes, the skills you possess, and your good qualities. This helps build self-esteem.
• Learn to be grateful:Practice gratitude daily. Write down 3-5 things you are grateful for in life, even the smallest things. For example, gratitude for good health, having a home, a delicious meal, or simply a beautiful day.

3. Positive actions

• Self-care:Ensure you get enough sleep, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. Physical health greatly impacts mental health. Activities such as jogging around Hoan Kiem Lake, cycling in Yen So Park, or joining a yoga class at health centers in Vietnam are all beneficial.
• Set small goals and achieve them:When you achieve small goals, the feeling of success will gradually build confidence. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
• Learn and grow:Take courses, read books, learn a new skill. This not only helps you feel more valuable but also opens up new opportunities. Many online education platforms in Vietnam offer free or low-cost courses.
• Helping others:When helping others, you not only bring value to the community but also feel more useful and meaningful. Participating in volunteer activities at charitable organizations in Vietnam is an example.

4. Building healthy relationships

• Seeking support:Share your feelings with people you trust, with family members. Sometimes, just being listened to can help you feel much lighter.
• Limit contact with negative people:Stay away from toxic relationships, people who constantly criticize and belittle you.
• Expand your network:Join clubs and hobby groups. Meeting people with shared passions helps you feel connected and belong.

5. Seek professional help

If feelings of self-pity persist, seriously affecting your life, and you cannot overcome them on your own, seek help from mental health professionals. Therapists can help you identify the root causes and provide tools and strategies to cope more effectively. In Vietnam, major hospitals like Hanoi Mental Hospital, Ho Chi Minh City Mental Hospital, or reputable psychological counseling centers such as SUNNYCARE Psychology Institute can provide these services.

What is "tủi thân": Conclusion

The feeling of self-pity is part of the human experience; no one can completely avoid it. UnderstandingWhat is "tủi thân"?, its causes, and how it impacts us is the first step in confronting it. More importantly, we need to learn how to accept, change our mindset, act positively, and build a strong support network. By doing so, we can transform negative emotions into motivation for self-development, living a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

For reference. Please consult a psychologist if needed.